Random Thoughts – USA v. Mexico

You know it’s time for a Random Thoughts when you’re watching the pregame for the U.S.A. vs. Mexico World Cup Qualifying and one of the commentators, Fernando Fiore, starts singing “Despacito, we got en el frente I got Chicharito, pasa mucho goles” to Alexi Lalas. Away we go.

25 minutes to game time and I just noticed that the graphic “Road to Russia” that they have up there on Fox Sports 1 right now could easily be on CNN concurrently.

Don’t worry, the V-Chip in my brain went off. I will leave the Trump mentions out from here on in today.

How has Matthew McConaughey not been nominated for a Nobel Prize of some sort for his work in Lincoln commercials?

I wonder if the Team Mexico fans will have any extra animosity toward the U.S. team because of Trump? . . . Damn it! Stupid V-Chip! Okay, game’s starting.

There’s fear, there’s being petrified, and then there’s the realization that your goalie is Brad Guzan.

Speaking of Brad Guzan, has anybody ever seen him and boxing promoter, Lou DiBella at the same place and same time?

1^st Minute: Ah, the always classy “puto” chant from the Team Mexico fans in the stadium.

3^rd Minute: Wow, Mexico is getting away with some vicious play. An elbow to the head could have easily led to a red card. No card given.

6^th Minute: MICHAEL BRADLEY!!!!!!!!! A takeaway in the midfield followed by a beautiful goal from Steph Curry distance. 1-0 U.S.A.!

14^th Minute: This ref does not care to exercise control. Mexico with the quick start and Jonathan Dos Santos almost capitalizes.

20^th Minute: Mexico played onside by the sleeping U.S. defense and Chicharito just misses a chip over the bumbling Guzan who bangs into Chicharito’s knee on the way down. No whistle, not that one was warranted.

23^rd Minute: Bobby Wood whiffs on a would be goal leading to a counter-attack orchestrated by Chicharito and Carlos Vela, with nobody pressuring him, converts a goal from just outside the box. 1-1.

31^st Minute: Mexico is controlling the tempo of the game. They are clearly the better side.

34^th Minute: Not a fake injury. Instead of just the stretcher, they bring the golf cart out. Mexico forced to use a second substitution early with Fabian going down on what looked like a non-contact injury.

35^th Minute: Just kidding. Fabian is back on the pitch.

36^th Minute: DaMarcus Beasley goes down with a leg injury. In other news, Beasley just turned 95. Beasley trying to walk it off. The golf cart paramedics are trying to force him onto the cart.

39^th Minute: Omar Gonzalez just misses the timing of his jump off a cross for what should have been the second U.S. goal.

40^th Minute: First sign of life out of the phenom, Pulisic who sets up Yedlin for a shot that soars over the crossbar.

44^th Minute: Chicharito takes a dive in the box which somehow doesn’t garner a yellow card. Yedlin somehow picks one up a minute later for nothing . . . halftime.

Halftime: Wow, Fiore gives Bradley’s goal the full “GOOOOOOAAAALLLLLLL!!!” treatment during the halftime show.

50^th Minute: If this was a game of keep away, Mexico would be killing it.

56^th Minute: Yedlin jumps a pass and draws a foul, which establishes that the U.S. are allowed to touch the ball and receive a whistle. Free kick promptly wasted, leading to a counterattack and obligatory yellow card worthy tackle to stop it.

59^th Minute: Did you know that Mexico’s home stadium is at high altitude? Well if you didn’t, you’re in luck, because we’ve just had our 100^th reference attesting to that fact!

61^st Minute: Pulisic almost converts after some nifty footwork. Gets the corner instead. U.S. showing a pulse here.

63^rd Minute: Why does Guzan walk around before a goal kick like he has my back problems?

71^st Minute: Herrera with a scorcher of a free kick for Mexico from about 30 yards out that hits the crossbar near the post and comes back out. What a shot.

72^nd Minute: In other news, the announcer tells us that “Brad Guzan was coming nowhere close to that one.” No word from her on whether water is in fact wet.

74^th Minute: Bradley with a tremendous outside foot volley that clips the goal post and flies out. Still 1-1.

75^th Minute: My word the U.S. defense is bad. Cameron bails everyone out by sliding in to hit the ball out for a corner.

77th Minute: Maybe the Team Mexico fans are saying “Pluto” because they’re upset that it was demoted from planetary status?

79^th Minute: Aquino misses a gimme volley. Jozy Altidore now on for Wood.

80^th Minute: Announcers still haven’t figured out that their sideline reporter can’t hear a thing in that loud stadium. Either that or her mike is never turned on. Dead air for about twenty seconds.

83^rd Minute: Just realized that Game 6 of the Stanley Cup Final is on because it seems like Mexico is playing on a power play half the time.

85^th Minute: Michael Bradley concedes another free kick and Vela skies it about 5,280 feet over the crossbar. See what I did there? #altitudejokes

87^th Minute: U.S. in no hurry here. Playing for the tie.

89^th Minute: Pulisic crossing the face of the goal from about 20 yards out and pushes his shot wide. He has shown some flashes but it hasn’t been his night. Graham Zusi comes in for him a minute later.

90^th Minute: “Easy stuff for Brad Guzan to deal with.” Excuse me Mr. Announcer, but there is no such thing. I figured it was 50/50 that the slow grounder would roll between his legs.

93^rd Minute: Mexico with a dangerous give and go in the box. Corner conceded. Mexico tries a short corner not realizing it was the last play. Final score: 1-1. We’ll take the point.