Random Thoughts on a Sunday Afternoon

For those of you familiar with my old website, this is a running gimmick I have going. And no, it’s not something I bust out when I’m lazy and don’t feel like writing a full-fledged article. (Yes it is. You still love it though.) The premise is simple. Below are random thoughts that have popped into my head lately:

Kendrick Perkins is still my least favorite player in the NBA. Yes, Kelly Olynyk ended Kevin Love’s season, but this was just ridiculous.

J.R. Smith would not lose the jerk contest though. The Jerk Store’s best sellers were in full force today.

To Kevin Love’s credit, after Kevin Love got his shoulder dislocated by Olynyk, he ran out and waited until later to calmly say he thought Olynyk should have been suspended. I had my shoulder separated for me years ago in a basketball game and handled it in a slightly more immature manner, more akin to this. I turned into Tupac in Hit ‘Em Up telling my teammates to take that guy out as I was being gingerly led out of the gym in excruciating pain. Nothing says tough guy like being doubled over, holding your shoulder, almost crying (or actually crying), and yelling at your teammates to take a guy out. You’ll be shocked to learn that I was single in my late teens when that happened.

Can I hire Brad Stevens to follow me around and motivate me throughout the day? Whatever the secret to life is, I feel like that guy has it. He’s like a cross between the Dalai Lama, Warren Buffett, and Bobby Fischer. I’ll let that one marinate for a minute. Sorry, I didn’t mean to get all Dennis Miller on you there.

Baseball season is underway. For those who love baseball, it is a time to get excited about your favorite team. Last season is over, and this Spring brings new hope. For those of you who hate baseball, get ready for a SportsCenter Top 10 every day filled with diving catches you’ve already seen 1,000,000 times.

Are any other golf fans besides me positively giddy about Jordan Spieth vs. Rory McIlroy vs. Bubba Watson for the next 20 years with Rickie Fowler playing this generation’s Sergio Garcia? For those who clicked that link, please note, neither Rickie nor Sergio won.

I love playoff hockey but I can’t get myself excited without the Kings in it this year. I watched roughly two decades of playoff hockey without the Kings, but then, once I tasted Kings playoff success, this season just can’t pull me back in.

Yes, I will take any opportunity I can get to link to that Al Pacino scene. Hell, I may even link to Silvio Dante in The Sopranos mimicking that scene!

I don’t know if there is a Mr. Potato Head contest in this year’s NBA Playoffs, but if there is, we have a winner!

What do you think Shaq’s inner monologue sounds like when Dwight Howard is having a dominating series? I imagine it’s something like: “[Insert Shaq voice, including mumbles] This guy ain’t Superman. I’m Superman. I would’ve gone for 40 and 25. Why doesn’t this guy do this every game? Because he’s not me. Stop smiling Dwight. Nobody likes you. How my ass taste?”

To everybody who thought Obama’s Anger Translator from the White House Correspondents Dinner was Key & Peele’s best skit, you are woefully mistaken.

This is the most Randy Wittman clip ever: https://vine.co/v/ezttEPM33jn . . . We know he can’t figure out where the players are supposed to go on offense, but he should at least have someone show him how to hold a clipboard. C’mon Randy!

Under Armour has Jordan Spieth and Stephen Curry locked into endorsement deals. Can you think of two faces of the future you’d rather have?

The fight of this century is coming up on Saturday with Floyd Mayweather, Jr. vs. Manny Pacquiao. I used to be the biggest Floyd supporter there was because I love his skill, but then he had the whole beating the crap out of his wife in front of his kids, one of whom had the security guards called to stop it scandal. Unfortunately, that wasn’t Floyd’s only domestic violence complaint. The Mayweather/Pacquiao fight is a dream come true for a boxing fan, but I will not cheer for Floyd when he wins 116-112, 115-113, 116-112 by unanimous decision.

Speaking of domestic violence, how on Earth is this not a bigger story and how did Milton Bradley get to play baseball for so long?

Why doesn’t Josh Smith have to do 20 push ups for every three-pointer he shoots a la Willie Mays Hayes in Major League having to do them for every pop up? Josh Smith’s 2014-2015 shot chart looks like a normal chart that just got back from a short trip to Mercury.

I’m sure there are some other random bits of knowledge I could drop on you, but The Rock just came on and anytime The Rock or Con Air or any other crappy yet awesome Nicolas Cage movie comes on, I am mandated by the Cage Doctrine to watch it. Sorry, no hyperlink for “Cage Doctrine” because I just made it up. You’re free to use it though.