The Dodgers Are Done

Let’s face it, the Dodgers are done. They’ve lost 7 games in a row and 12 of their last 13. Even Clayton Kershaw is getting lit up these days. And who knows if Kershaw is even healthy after re-aggravating last year’s herniated lumbar disc. Remember a couple of weeks ago when people were talking about best record in history and World Series or bust? Neither do we. The Dodgers’ lead in the NL West is down to 10 games now! Forget magic number, we’re talking biggest collapse in sports history!

Let’s rewind. The Dodgers were busy at the deadline, acquiring Yu Darvish, Curtis Granderson, and some bullpen help. How’s that turning out? About as well as you’d expect if you’ve been a Dodger fan for the past three decades. Remember when Darryl Strawberry and Eric Davis were going to save the Dodgers? How about Kevin Brown? Jason Schmidt? Manny Ramirez? Los Angeles is where free agents come to have their careers die. Don’t believe me? Let’s go back a few weeks to Yu Darvish’s first pitch in Dodger Stadium. Need a refresher course? Here you go:

We’ve seen this movie before. It never ends well! Some flashy signing has all of Los Angeles hyped and talking about the World Series as if it’s 1988 only to have Dodgers fans’ hearts ripped out year after year. Then they go back to wondering how they got suckered back into believing in the team in the first place and stay in a state of sports depression/anger for about six months.

Even if one assumes that the Dodgers don’t completely blow their epic lead and win the NL West, do you really expect them to be in any kind of shape to win in October when it counts? The aforementioned Kershaw is becoming this generation’s Peyton Manning with his post-season troubles and, again, that’s assuming he’s even healthy enough to pitch! As for Yu Darvish, Kenta Maeda, and Rich Hill, we’re not keeping our hopes up that they start improving either.

What about the offense you say? Well, what about it? This is the same Dodgers team we’ve watched for those same three decades. A team with solid pitching, meh middle relief, and no offense. Early in the season, the Dodgers’ youngsters were too naive to know that they’re not supposed to be able to hit in Dodger Stadium, or anywhere else for that matter. But they’ve matured quickly and have realized their full Dodger potential, namely, topping out at .270 batting averages and forgetting how to hit the ball out of the park.

Look at those faces! Are those the faces of players who think that they’re going to snap out of this slump? No, they’re not. Because they know. They know the fate that lies ahead of them. A postseason full of desperately cheering fans who turn sour the second things start going wrong because they expected it all along. There’s nothing quieter than Dodger Stadium in the seventh inning of a game five in the postseason.

So here we are, another season winding down to a close and another year of the Dodgers torturing the fan base with false hope. At least the Dodgers are letting everyone down a month earlier this year. It’s much less painful when it happens day after day in September when the excitement of football season is setting in. People are going through Power Rankings and fantasy drafts. Why ruin such a great sports high with the annual Dodger let down in October when you can just get it over with in September? Well played Dodgers. The people of Los Angeles thank you because when it comes to sports, pulling the band-aid off slowly is much less painful.

[Please note that we do not believe one word of any of what’s written above. Our boss made us write this column in an effort to un-jinx the Dodgers into playing well. We’re not kidding. So don’t worry Dodger fans. Kershaw’s going to be fine. So will Darvish. And that lineup will be scary come playoff time. Slumps happen. It’s baseball.]

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